Like everyone else in the civilised world, I too downloaded Pokemon Go. At first, it was fun. I was catching Pokemon daily, watching my levels go up. I actually started walking. Hurray! Some excercise. Can I cancel my gym membership now?
Then, the love affair started to end, when the Pokemon followed me into the toilet.
Here are 3 reasons I am sick of Pokemon Go:
3. It’s a lot of dreary boring repetitive shit
90% of the Pokemon you catch will be rats or wild birds, making you wonder if you are playing a game or capturing vermin. It’s gotten so boring that when I see yet another rat I have to capture, I’m like: Not. Another. Goddamn. RAT.
2. I’m sick of over hyped media stories
I swear to Freakazoid, if I read one more story about someone drowning while catching a water Pokemon, or breaking into Fort Knox to catch a Pokemon, or falling to their death trying to jump off the Eiffel Tower to catch a Pokemon, I’m going to kill someone.
Nintendo doesn’t need to do any marketing when these lazy journalists are doing it for them. For free.
1. There is ultimately no purpose to the game
You catch a Pokemon, then you catch another, then you catch another rat. And then you start thinking, is there more to life than this?
It’s the same shit over and over again, except it starts getting tougher. I wasted 15 Pokeballs on a stupid flying fish, and it jumped out of the balls 5 times.
And what do you get for all this Pokemon grabbing?
And that’s when I suffered an existential crisis. Like Gautam the Buddha, I wondered: Is there more to life than this?
Unlike Gautam the Buddha, I just shrugged and ate an icecream (and forgot all about Nirvana).
Daddy can’t feed you right now, daddy has Pokemon to catch
That’s it, I’m done with this crap.