Who Framed Santa Claus?

Who Framed Santa Clause?

Santa smallSanta is having a bad day. First, he gets stuck in the chimney. (Working a desk job 364 days of the year really widens the bottom.) Instead of milk and cookies, he finds a dead man. And then the police break in, accuse him of economic sabotage (all those free toys), and of committing the murder!

Locking Santa up without trial provokes war with the North Pole, which deploys its dreaded Reindeer Regiment to bomb Loondumb. But that’s not the city’s only problem. Dr. Underpants stockpiles potatoes for a doomsday device, while Dr. E. arranges a prison break with his 10-foot-tall, armed-and-dangerous robot. Throw in terrorists, hackers, and banks that refuse to give people any money, and Loondumb is having almost as bad a day as the jolly red guy.

Thank goodness for super-heroines and smart girl detectives, en route to save the day. Let’s just hope they can find out…who framed Santa Claus?

A wild and uproarious ride, Who Framed Santa Claus? swoops the reader onto a zany trip where messing with elves yields disaster, and Scotsmen don’t wear underpants.

Warning: This isn’t a cutesy Christmas book, and it certainly isn’t for kids. As one reviewer said it, this book is more “Tarantino meets South Park”.

Available:  eBook  Print

Characters

Sherlina Holmes – The great granddaughter of Sherlock Holmes. Only 12 years old, she has her presents confiscated when Santa is arrested. She vows to find the real killer.

Quantum – A superheroine, with the power to move super fast and advanced strength. Also Sherlina’s aunt.

Dr Underpants – A supervillain who wants to destroy the city of Loondumb using nothing but potatoes.

Dr E – A real supervillain. Ruthless, he wants to take over the country with his advanced technology.

Al Qaeda – A bunch of incompetent nincompoops, they want to force the Queen to wear a burkha. They call themselves the Posh Al Qaeda Institute, or, PAQI.

Liz – Queen Elizabeth the 3rd. She was removed from power by the Bankers Committee, and now works as a lingerie model. But this is one model who has more brains than beauty, and doesn’t plan to sit around and let the others rule the country…..

Bankers Committee – A group of the bankers that have taken over the country. They have more power than the parliament now.

Quotes

The Bankers Committee on the arrest of Santa:

We, here at the Bankers Committee, have been warning for a long time about this Santa threat. While hard-working corporations work day and night to bring toys to your children, this communist bastard gives them away for free. He is nothing better than a common terrorist, a threat to our free market economy, and we are glad the police have finally had the courage to arrest this pervert who breaks into our children’s homes and gives them gifts.

The new Al Qaeda is born:

It all started almost a year ago when group leader Osama Bin Laden, real name Harry Mclarry, got sick of the greedy and materialistic Western society. He first got the realisation when he was driving his Hummer to buy a jar of milk for his wife. The realisation hit him like a brick, causing Osama to almost hit a truck. “Damn man, this western civilisation is so greedy,” he thought to himself, as he bent over to pick up his golden nail cutter.
That evening, while sitting at home, sipping his vintage wine and eating his caviar, he felt that he should do something about the soul-less society.

Available:  eBook  Print